After I went through all the hassle of changing the name for this beast, it occurred to me that the name might need some ‘splainin. I am an uncle. My friends/family/wife may or may not agree that I’m crappy, depending on how crappy I’ve been lately.

I Googled myself (that sounds like fun…) when I was done unfucking the template and everything else, and I saw that there are apparently a couple bands on the planet somewhere that use “Uncle Crappy” as part of their name (“Uncle Crappy’s World of Cheese,” for example). I didn’t intend to steal a legitimate band name for the title of my thingie here, and if someone’s pissed (or even if they’re not) I apologize.

What I did mean to steal was a piece of graffiti that was written long ago on a partition in the men’s room at The Union in Athens, Ohio. This was, apparently, a collaborative effort: Someone started by writing “SUGGESTED BAND NAMES” at the top of the wall and then drawing blank lines underneath. Others helpfully filled in the blanks. Entry No. 6 (I think) was “Uncle Crappy.” I was so taken that I got my future wife to leave the comfort and safety of her booth and dragged her into the bathroom so she could see. I swore to her at that moment that if I ever had a band, it would be named Uncle Crappy.

(In the extremely unlikely event that I would ever have a band to name, it would count as my second crack coming up with a decent moniker. The elegance of my first try — The Magically Delicious — was lost on a group of friends who were looking for some help. And the best they could come up with was “Bella’s Wine”…).

I have no band. And that’s a good thing. It may also be a good thing that no one knows this exists yet, but since my future in music is undoubtedly limited, I’m going to use Uncle Crappy here. Thanks to whoever scribbled those words in The Union.

And someday I’ll show this to my nephews, and they’ll say, “Yep.”