I have nifty new names, thanks to a web site one of our copy editors discovered last night. There are several formats: porn star, gangsta, taxi driver, pirate, mafioso and goopy significant other pet name. My choices are:

Porn name: Slick Tittles

Gangsta name: Fine Ol’ Lumpynutz

Taxi driver name: Kung Stewart

Pirate name: “Chocolate” Willie Morgan

Mafia name: Nice Guy Tony

Pet name: Economy Dooks

I’m sure what folks would say if I used Fine Ol’ Lumpynutz as my byline. But I could totally be Slick Tittles or Kung Stewart…

And The Wife? If her current nickname isn’t good enough, we could always try Slappy Tang, Sweet Crab Whacker, Boutros Boutros Washington, Pirate Eve the Sword Test Dummy, Shaky Bambi Brassi or Monkey Buns…