thanks.

My Oscar acceptance speech for April:

* Thanks to The Wife. Because a last-minute burst of conscience, we didn’t go to Philly last weekend. A mild bummer, but probably the right move, because I’m almost broke and payday is one week from today.

* Thanks to the candidates I really needed to talk to; it was a big help in getting my election shit done at work on time. Almost all of you were helpful, and some of you were actually interesting. Believe me, that’s a nice fucking bonus.

* Thanks to Michael Jackson, Martha Stewart, the chick who pretended to be kidnapped to get out of her wedding and all the OJs, Kobes and Scott Petersons who came before you, for ensuring that I’ll never hear actual news on any of the networks’ morning news shows ever again.

* Thanks to HP, who thought to call us when she drove to Pixburke on Friday (to stop at Ikea to pick up a nice set of glurtenhorgonsvenson shelves for her new bathroom) so we could have dinner and a couple of beers. Sorry we didn’t come up to Cleveland the next day — the truck thing set up inside the convocation center (Jesus god, an entire English-style pub, sponsored by Bass, inside a trailer — when I win the Powerball, I’m going to move into one of those) sounded awfully tempting. And trust me on this: We’re coming to see the Moo this summer.

* Thanks to Jason for proposing to our favorite coochie doctor. Don’t worry about a thing, Jason — you’re going to do just fine.

* Thanks to Juan. For the fishing. Ahem.

* Thanks to the IRS — um, in advance — for getting my tax refund back to me AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.

* Thanks to iTunes, which is helping me assemble Turbo Pinto v.2. If you know what Turbo Pinto is, you’ll be getting the new one sometime before July. If you don’t have a clue as to what I’m talking about, be patient — I’ll explain later.

* Thanks to everyone who leaves comments. It really is the best part of this gig.

* Thanks to Fred and Ethel, who — one day — may eventually get around to reading Uncle Crappy, for your hospitality on the two weekends we showed up in Columbus. We should have more practice tailgate parties. Only in summer, I think they call them “cookouts.” Or maybe “vodka-drenched train wrecks.” I dunno … something like that.

* Thanks to Zooma Tour, which is going to give The Wife and me something to do this summer.

* And thanks to Miles, who, along with Mousie Tail, almost tried to join me in the shower today. That cat ain’t right…

Good night. I’ll see y’all at the Vanity Fair party in a little bit…

9 thoughts on “thanks.”

  1. Say it isn’t so, the Coochie Doctor engaged? A second addition of turbo pinto, remix or all “new” material? I can’t wait for July. Thanks for the update on the loop.

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  3. What interesting news one can learn from the internet – So Paige is engaged – Wonderful.

    Now on to Turbo Pinto 2 – as a commuter who spend an hour a day racing with all of the other NYC bound commuters (0 – 80 mph – 0 – 80 mph, etc), I have learned what songs I like to listen to – now these are not critically acclaimed songs – usually just a good fast rhythm, fun lyrics, maybe even a couple of more thoughtful one I put in near the end. My second disclaimer (the attorney in me coming out as I type), is that I haven’t really purchased ‘new’ music in about 5 years – kids and all – (that doesn’t mean that I’m not helping the media companies out – I’ve bought most of the Elmo DVDs, and watched Nemo, Marry Poppins and the entire Baby Einstein collection more times than we saw Rocky Horror!)

    Here it goes (Artist / Song)
    Jimmy Eat World / In the Middle; Fountains of Wayne / Stacy’s Mom; Bowling for Soup / 1985; Bare Nake Ladies / Be My Yoko Ono; Phish / Possum; Sheryl Crow / Steve McQueen; Big Bad Voodoo Daddy / You & Me and the Bottle Makes 3 Tonight; David Wilcox / Eye of the Hurricane; Del Amitri / Driving with the Brakes On (a personal favorite of mine); David Gray / Babylon.

    So load this set up – give it a whirl – let me know what you think.

    As it is May 5 – I’ll end with this-
    Hasta la Pasta

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  4. The next-generation Turbo Pinto will be the same stuff from before, with additional tunes thoughtfully placed throughout. Just like the original Turbo Pinto experience, but now with 50 percent more!

    I know about half of the tunes in the “Droppin’ The NYC Commute Mix,” and I’ll have to look up the others. Sounds like a pretty nifty driving tape, though…

    And I’m curious: At what point during “Finding Nemo” do you throw the rice?

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  5. As with most venues post 9-11, my house has gotten pretty strict on body searches prior to the viewing of Nemo. The Kewyson-wife is not a big fan of rice being thrown about in the family room. I do get her involved with a long dialog of ‘XX uuu haa haa’, where the XX ranges from Daddy, Mommy, Callie, Neely, Blatz, Kodiak, etc. etc. – If you’re in her in group- you’ll get an uuu haa haa tacked onto your name.

    Hey, any plans on going to Graceland for the mid-night showing on July 2? Would we stand out or what? Those times left some good memories with me – even made its way to our wedding reception – fantasic croud (Kewyson’s high school group – Kewyson’s Wife’s Thunderbird group) – letting it all loose in a boy v. girl sing-along of Meatloaf’s Paradise by the Dashboard Lights. As my spiritual leader, Jimmy Buffett, has said, ‘I’m growing older, but not up’. God help my children.

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  6. Post script: the ‘her’ in the third sentence is Callie, not Kewyson-wife – sorry for the confusion and misrepresentation of facts

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  7. Thanks to my nephews, I’ve watched Nemos, Shrecks, and Monsters (what the hell was the name of that one?) more times than I can count. Someone who has to deal with those demands deserves a lot of credit…

    And a drink…

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  8. I’m going to consider it a moral victory when I can enlighten my girls with the humor of Monty Python – then we’ll all be at the same level.

    Let me know if you and the Wife are interested in making a trip out to NYC to see Spamalot – tickets are hard to come by, but I’m sure someone with your connections we could sit center Orchestra on a Friday night, right?

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  9. My connections in New York might be good for a free slice of pizza — if Steve and Beth were home and I could con them into buying us, you know, a pizza…

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