We have our contestants in the First Annual Uncle Crappy NCAA Final Four Contest. And because some of them are so finely crafted, we’re running the submissions verbatim.

To start, let’s recap Uncle Crappy’s picks:

Duke, UCLA, North Carolina and Ohio State. Bucks beat the Blue Devils in the final.

The Wife:

Dook, UConn, Memphis and Ohio State.

Why not UNC? Two reasons: First, in their last game against Boston College in the ACC Tournament, after a surprisingly great season, the freshmen FINALLY showed up. They couldn’t make a pass, they couldn’t command the tempo of the game and they couldn’t claw their way back when things got bad. And two, if I don’t bet on them to win, they will go far. Hell, last year I didn’t have them surviving the Sweet 16 and they won the whole thing. This goes back to the, “I don’t watch the game, my team wins!” method of fandom. I have found that this works far better than rally caps, repetitive rituals or lucky charms. It works and I’m sticking to it even though it means I never see the end of an important game live. Only on Memorex, baby.

Dook beats Memphis. UConn beats OSU. We have another BORING championship that no one cares about. Face it: These two teams are the Yankees of the college basketball world. No one likes them unless they have big money on the game or if they are alumni.

UConn wins. Thanks for calling Your-Sure-Lock-Pick-of-the-Week.

From Fred, also known in these parts as the learned pig:

the question is: do i believe there is some divine force that will give a us a final 4 that exemplifies a sense of truth and beauty in our world, material or not? right, and who’s our president? so, since evil will triumph again: boston college, connecticut, texas, ucla. in the final, a bunch’o east coast liberals (and rockefeller republicans, who i can live with) will defy god(?) and destroy the burnt orange team from hell. as retribution, during their trip to meet the boy-king, the true leader of american (this country brought to you by adm, brown & root, conocophillips, mephistopheles, & issac hayes) will jump out from under scalia’s robe spraying buck shot across the white house lawn. it becomes a more serious incident once herr cheney realizes, after the trigger has been pulled (recently, we always seem to shoot first and then look around), that a bunch of abramoff’s kids are taking part in the traditional easter egg roll. for the good of the country, the true scope of the destruction is never made public; bystanders remain in an albanian concentration camp, i mean, jail, awaiting bond & clearance. thus, as our friend(s) marx said, groucho and karl, it don’t mean a thing if you ain’t got that bling…if there was justice, bucks win! bucks win!!

I had to call Fred after receiving this, and he clarified that the east coast liberals he was referring to live in Connecticut and not Boston.

On to Ethel, Fred’s lovely and talented wife:

How’s this: An all-Big Ten final four for (Ethel)

Illlinois
Ohio State
Indiana
Iowa

Final matchup: Illinois and Indiana

Winner: Illinois

On to the former Carolina Boy, who’s added an S to his name, just to make sure people don’t mistake him for a Tar Heel:

SCarolina Boy sez:

Duke
Gonzaga
UConn
Villanova

Duke
UConn

Duke-Champions!! (At least they are smart guys even if they don’t win!!)

This entry is an interesting one. Mr. Burns said he was boycotting brackets this year. That struck me as wholly un-American, and because I didn’t want anyone to question his patriotism, I will submit this entry in his name. His response? “Works for me.”

OK. I’m putting you down for a final four of Southern Illinois, Belmont, George Mason and South Alabama, with SIU beating George Mason in the finals. Go Salukis!

I think Mr. Burns is already mathematically eliminated. Whoops.

Finally, we have the entry from Kewyson, which you might have already seen as a comment to yesterday’s post:

Kewyson’s prediction – Final 4: North Carolina, Villanova, Duke, Kansas. Championship game: Duke vs. Villanova – with the Blue Devils taking the title game of March Madness, now extended by commercials into April.

Strong entries all, with the exception of that of Mr. Burns. And that’s mostly my fault. Good luck to everyone. Especially me.