ummm.

Oh, the trials of employment.

I’ve previously referenced the current favoritest thing about my job: the monthly beer column. As part of my, ahem, work, I have to actually taste the beers I’ve reviewing in a given month. Yeah, I know … it’s pretty tough.

The February column? It’s the darkest, coldest part of winter, when breweries typically release their biggest, heartiest brews. So I’m reviewing those — specifically imperial stouts and barleywines. A bunch of them. All tonight.

Yikes. I’m being bad. On a school night.

The stouts all clock in at around 7 to 8 percent alcohol by volume. The barleywines are all in the 11-percent range.

Whew. It’s a good thing I’m not working until tomorrow afternoon.

They’re all good, but there are a couple you should look for, keeping in mind that neither style is for the faint of heart. The stouts are among the darkest, oiliest beers you’ll ever taste; the barleywines are slightly sweet, malty and, as you might imagine, rich with an alcohol afterburn.

Imperial stouts: Victory’s Storm King — the direct cause of a couple of other drunken Uncle Crappy postings in the past — and Bell’s Expedition Stout — which is way better than any Michigan beer should be allowed. And although it wasn’t involved in this month’s tasting — because the 2007 version isn’t released yet — I can’t help but recommend Great Lakes’ Blackout Stout — it’s one of the best-ever versions of this style.

Barleywines: Victory’s (again) Old Horizontal — perhaps the best-named beer of all time — and Brooklyn’s Monster Ale — which is slightly more mellow, because the brewery is trying to stick a little more faithfully to the original English ideal.

If you try these, do yourself, and the beer, a favor: pour them in a snifter or even a wine glass. You’ll get a good whiff of what these beers are about, and that will improve your experience. Trust me on this.

6 thoughts on “ummm.”

  1. What piece of furniture was I drunkenly sleeping under when you became a reviewer of malted beverages? If ever there was someone genetically predisposed to undertake this task, it’s definitely UC. You’ve found your true calling. I suggest you apply for a job at “Zymurgy”. It’s the monthly magazine published by the Brewers Association. (www.beertown.com) You could make a living writing about all things beer. Did I mention that their offices are located in Boulder CO? What could be better, skiing and beer.

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  2. Lessee … what’s better than working for a beer magazine and living in Boulder …

    Hmmm…

    The word “nothing” comes to mind…

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  3. As an ex-Boulderite – I’d have to agree – enjoying a tasty beverage on the rooftop of the Westend bar, overlooking the Flatirons – ahhh, the memories –

    As they say out there – ‘Boulder Colorado, located between the Rockies and Reality!’

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  4. The goddamn Illinois liquor laws have driven Bell’s to stop selling in my new home state. I just got to know what a fricken awesome beer Bell’s was, and now it’s gone like a stranger in the night. Skittered back over the Wisconsin and Indiana borders. That sound is my heart breaking.

    I did throw up like a real lot of Bell’s Oberon right after moving here, but that was totally not the beer’s fault.

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  5. UC-
    Intentional or not – your ‘Filed:’ comments actually create an interestering dialog:

    Scene, bar in western PA, known for local music and occasional writer – dimly lit- smoke wafting about, smell of, well something, in the air-

    Then, the meeting, sharp intensity –

    “Beeeeer”, says an articulate looking fellow, holding a note pad and pen (rather odd, I’d say)
    “Drunk again”, say the acquaintance
    “It’s my job” is the reply – as he leans forward to shake his hand, slipping off of the old tattered bar stool, momentarily looking into the eyes of the person in front of him before the law of gravity rudely change his position to one of ‘splayed’ on the floor –

    Something like that –

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  6. Kewyson: Only you could come up with that … only you…

    Brian: Sorry to hear that Chicago is Bellless. I don’t know a whole lot about the local stuff outside of Goose Island, which seems respectable but not great. If you ever come across anything by Great Lakes, buy cases and cases — you can’t go wrong.

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