Did you know the Oklahoma football Sooners have won seven national championships, in 1950, 1955, 1956, 1874, 1975, 1985 and 2000?

They can’t do it again this year, what with their 10-2 record and ugly losses to Colorado and Texas Tech. But they can beat Missouri on Saturday night and win their fourth Big 12 Championship game since 1996!

And then some other stuff would happen … but we’ll get to that at another time.

Missouri has had a nice season, and definitely might even slightly kind of deserve to be atop the Bowl Championship Series standings and one win away from the national championship game. And to get there, they have to beat the one team that beat them during the regular season … that’s right, it’s Oklahoma; the Sooners beat the Tigers 41-31 back on October 13, and Missouri will have to overcome the creeping notion that there’s no way they can beat the Sooners, even if a win means moving on to the big game.

Here’s some other fun stuff:

• Oklahoma is 64-23-5 all time against Missouri.
• Oklahoma has won 17 of the last 18 games the teams have played.
• Oklahoma is 4-1 in Big 12 championship games.
• Oklahoma’s head coach Bob Stoops is 4-0 against Missouri.
• Missouri has never appeared in a Big 12 championship game.
• In the game in October, Oklahoma scored 18 fourth-quarter points to put the game away.
• Oklahoma is 4-2 all-time when playing in a dome; Saturday’s game is in the Alamodome in San Antonio.

Gosh. If I was Missouri head coach Gary Pinkel, I’d be thinking about a forfeit.

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Uncle Crappy, you say — you’re not really fooling anybody.

I don’t know what you’re talking about, I say.

Uncle Crappy, you say — what about the West Virginia-Pitt game?

Shit, I say — there’s no way Pitt is going to beat West Virginia. This is my only shot.