life in the fast lane.

It’s a common premise of this blog that Uncle Crappy is a little slow on the uptake. If you’ve forgotten any of the numerous previous examples, I remind you of the Great Airconditioning Debacle of 2006.

I like technology. I don’t have the money to always keep up with the latest stuff, but I try to keep as current as possible. I made do with an original iMac for years, long after it was really sensible to keep it running. And when we got this eMac a couple of years ago, I thought briefly about updating the internet connection as well.

But I didn’t. And that’s left Uncle Crappy and The Wife as possibly the only people in the United States left with dial-up. It’s never really bothered me too much, especially after we welcomed this computer into our home — it’s always been fast enough that it hadn’t really bothered me too much. The Wife, however, proved to be a bit more visionary, or at least the more impatient of the two of us; she pretty much stopped doing any surfing at home once her newsroom got the Internets, because she realized for the first time how slow our stuff at home was moving.

This is about to change. On Friday, September 29, the cable guy will show up at our home and haul us into the 21st Century: we’re sticking with basic cable, but we’re going to have a cable modem and cable-based telephone service. This change wasn’t really prompted by anything internet related. We actually got tired of giving the phone company — Sprint originally, now Embarq — $50 or $60 a month for a telephone we don’t really use.

Ah, well, there was one computer thing that got me honked off a bit. I was a little irritated when AOL announced that it was going to stop billing its broadband customers — but not its few remaining dial-up users. “So I’m going to continue to pay for the shittiest dial-up service on the planet while the company is giving it away to everyone else? No. I don’t think so.”

So what does this mean? It means I won’t have to wait four or five hours to download a complete show. It means I can take advantage of other music-related stuff, like BitTorrent, for the first time. It means The Wife isn’t going to get pissed at me when I’m on the computer in the mornings but she can’t reach me because I forgot to turn on my cell phone.

There’s no fucking way we’re going to stick with AOL after the switch, so we’re both going to have new email addresses. We’re probably going to have a nifty new, unlisted telephone number as well.

It will also mean a few changes for Uncle Crappy: a dedicated domain name, a hosting service and a move away from Blogger are all in the works.

But first, I’m going to enjoy the blissful internet speeds I’ve previously had to drive to work to enjoy. That afternoon, I’m going to find a 300MB Grateful Dead show to download, and just sit here, in this very chair, and watch it go right before my eyes.