Howdy, boys and girls, and welcome back to a very special episode of Ask Uncle Crappy.

You might have heard something about this being Michigan Week. That’s going to change the program a bit — we’re going to stick with a college football theme today.

Here’s what you do. I have a couple of questions for anyone who reads this post, and then you ask me anything you like about something that’s at least marginally related to college football. For example: Tailgating? Absolutely fair game. The finer points of body painting? Not something I’m as familiar with, but I’ll give it a shot. Keynesian economic policy and its potential impact on the 2008 presidential elections? Interesting, but probably a topic best saved for another day.

So. Your questions:

  1. What’s your favorite football-related tradition? Looking for personal experiences here. Pro football-related traditions are admissible.
  2. Michigan has the ugliest helmets in the history of football, right? See below.


And don’t forget — my brain is filled with mountains of useless college football crap. Think you can stump me? Give it a shot.


  1. OK: How many University of Michigan graduates work at Ohio State University?

    I think this might stump you, as it is stumping all of us. So some guy who works here is going to put out a call for Michigan grads so he can find some friends this week. He is feeling short on friends at Ohio State – can you believe it??


  2. 1) Drinking beer at 8 a.m., after either my bloody or my coffee and butterscotch schnapps, depending on air temperature. No, no — that’s not really my favorite. My favorite is knowing if you’re wearing Ohio State garb someplace, like in the airport or in the Strip District, someone is going to sidle up and say, “O-H …”

    2) Yes, except the Woodland Hills (PA) High School Michigan-style, dark blue with light blue stripes helmets, which are worse because they are emulating Michigan’s helmets.

    Question for Uncle Crappy: Do you or don’t you support my belief that pinching the backs of the thighs of opposing running backs and quarterbacks during tackles would give Ohio State the ultimate advantage we’ve been looking for? You know, a good pinch on a cold day with those tight pants on would really slow someone down. Plus, it would make me feel better.


  3. Ethel:

    That’s a tough one. I know the university employs close to 20,000 (as of 2006), so it’s probably a good bet that there are at least a handful. But trying to find them this week? I don’t want to suggest your friend isn’t too bright … but then, he is a Michigan grad…

    And: I still need answers to your questions, young lady…


  4. Honey:


    And Woodland Hills isn’t the only one around here — I think Ellwood City might use the same unfortunate paint job…


  5. My favorite tradition has recently become the pre-game toast @ the Crappy tailgate. Any activity that has the participants toiling days in advance to come up with a fresh perspective and better material is pretty allright… plus I love to see Ethel blush when she talks about “going deep”. xoxo


  6. the ohio state-michigan game…the drum major coming down the ramp and then the back bend to touch the plume to the ground, the script and dot…the tailgate toast…the terrible towel…actually, i think the cincinnati bengal’s helmet is worse than a meth addiction.
    QUESTION(s): what is your favorite osu-um game memory and why? what type of coin do the refs use at the “coin toss”?


  7. Juan: More often than not my toasts are stream-of-consciousness — although I have to come up with a new one for this weekend. The loss kinda screws up what I would have gone with…

    Mr. Pig: It’s tempting to say the 1975 game, one of the first that’s really strong in my memory. Last year’s “Game of the Century” is hard to top, although the subsequent game tends to leave a funny taste in my mouth when I think about anything from 2006. The 2005 game is up there — you don’t just come back from nine points down in six minutes on the road, much less do it in Ann Arbor … and it was really cool to be able to watch that with the whole tailgating crew.

    But. 2002. That’s the one. The game was amazing, and it provided a perfect encapsulation of that entire season — as well as the perfect tease for the game that was to follow. And I like that it was before our tailgating routine was … routine. It’s great now, to know what we’re doing, to be prepared for anything … but that season was when the current traditions were all still coming together. So it’s a bunch of things. But that’s the year.

    And the coin flip? NCAA Rule 3, Section 1, Article 1 states:

    Three minutes before the scheduled starting time, the referee shall toss a coin at midfield in the presence of no more than four field captains from each team and another game official, first designating the field captain of the visiting team to call the coin toss.

    It says nothing, however, about what kind of coin is to be used. I’ve found various references to the use of plain old quarters — a Wyoming state quarter was used as the coin flip for the Cowboys’ home opener this year, for example. At the Super Bowl, a commemorative coin is used just once, and then shipped to Canton for enshrinement. And, I know for a fact — because I just watched the tape last night — a commemorative coin was also used for last year’s Michigan game.


  8. l love the anticipation, the build up, each week to the big game. You don’t get it in any other sport.

    And, you can’t talk about ugly without mentioning Oregon. They’re conducting a contest to see how many truly horrendous combinations can be made with green and yellow. These guys can stake a solid claim to the second spot in the all ugly game with UM.

    So, here’s my question. Can you tell us how many total yards Troy Smith accounted for in his three games versus “that school up north”?

    The answer is hidden in this sentence.

    May all of your Buck-1-eye fan-0-tasies come true this week-51-end.


  9. Large: Actually, I came up with 1,056. But why quibble over 5 yards when the most important Troy-Smith-vs.-Michigan numbers — 3-0 — are easy to remember?


  10. My favorites:
    Script Ohio, gets me every time

    The awesome, rib rattling sound 100,000 or so fans can make in the Horse Shoe

    Tailgating and the rituals before the game outside of the Shoe

    Question: What was up with the normal marching band itinerary at the Homecoming Game this year?


  11. Sorry that I’m really late in responding big brother..My favorite traditions would go back to college days at OSU…the pre-partying before the tailgating. Walking down to the horseshoe, drink in hand. Sitting in the student section, and of course, the Varsity Club after the game. Nothing like a football Saturday from a collegiate point of view.

    While I agree that Michigan’s helmets are very ugly I actually don’t know what they’re supposed to be..I’d assume they are the slash marks of an angry you know what they are?


  12. Favorite tradition – watching script Ohio – especially when a special guest gets to dot the i – can even bring a tear to my i

    UofM’s helmets are pretty ugly, but so are ND’s – maybe they feel ugly because who both teams are, in my mind

    What was the biggest OSU point advantage win over UofM? I’d like to know when we surpass it this Saturday.


  13. Can I ask though – how did you get this picked up and into google news?

    Very impressive that this blog is syndicated through Google and is it something that is just up to Google or you actively created?

    Obviously this is a popular blog with great data so well done on your seo success..

    Soccer / Football greats you should write about next!


  14. I have no idea why this post continues to get the hits it does, but it’s nice to know I’m not the only college football freak out there. I try not to let myself go overboard on the subject — that wouldn’t be especially exciting to the regulars who don’t share my appreciation for the sport — but the season is coming. And I’m sure I’ll have a thought or two coming soon.


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