forecast: pain.

Penguins winger Gary Roberts will return to the ice Monday night when the Pens try to even their series against Detroit.

Roberts was a healthy scratch in Saturday’s game; if Father Spoon’s haircut wasn’t the cause of Saturday’s loss, Roberts’ absence certainly was.

Have any questions about what the return of Gary Roberts will mean for the Penguins in Game 2? Here are a few things you should know:

  • Gary Roberts can sneeze with his eyes open.
  • Gary Roberts was what Willis was talkin’ about.
  • Gary Roberts can judge a book by its cover.
  • Gary Roberts is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
  • Gary Roberts can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
  • There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Gary Roberts.
  • Gary Roberts knows the last digit of pi.
  • There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti and Gary Roberts.
  • Gary Roberts uses Tabasco sauce for eye drops.
  • Gary Roberts can slam a revolving door.

(Gary Roberts facts shamelessly stolen adapted from


2 thoughts on “forecast: pain.”

  1. you can’t blame me for the hair. speak to my family :P

    I’m still saying Pens in 6. Game 1 was a wakeup call that Detroit wont fall like the Sens, Rangers of Flyers. The Pens were in it until the 3rd period and couldnt capitlize on 4 PP’s in the first .

    Gary will provide the muscle that the Red Wings tried to take advantage of. I dont agree with Malone being on Sid’s line for game 2 but hey, I’m not the coach.

    Lines should be:


  2. regarding game 1 and our experience in the land-that-smells-like-old-hot-dog-water:

    – may not have been able to tell on the tube (since we did not score), but the crowd may have been 1/4 pens supporters. that was very cool. i also think the fans of smelly-water did not have anything close to the energy that there will be in the igloo. i continue to find it very endearing to see how well ‘burg folk follow their teams. i also wonder if they have any other hobbies.

    – got to see mr. hockey selling his hancock for $70 a scribble.

    – have been to joe louis one other time; forgot that it is old and decrepit like the igloo.

    – got to do 1 O-H-I-O call/response with a guy in a pens’ jersey and a brutus cap. a ‘burg and buckeye supporter!? this guy must do nothing but travel from sport venue to sport venue. inherited wealth must be grand.

    – felt the game turned on 2 mistakes that led to first 2 goals and our inability to score on power play in 1st pd. for a 4-nil loss, i am not traumatized; more a game to make you angry rather than frightened. i would love a win in game 2, but i think the series starts in game 3. for those who love history: in ’91 pens lost 1 & 2 in boston, kevin stevens called out the team and the pens won next 4 (and went on to beat the north stars). in that boston series, boston had the experience and the pens had the young/untested guns except for mullen/trottier (roberts can fill that roll).

    – mr. laraque did want to dance but mccarthy said “me no likey.” mr. hockey wept a bit there.

    – without sharing this with anyone, my plan was to only spend money on the necessary beverages and stanley cup program while at the game. to reach this goal and much to ethel’s dismay, i had to drive the last 30 miles out of hot-dog-water on gas-fumes. we made it and got to fill-up on our side of the line. i saw woody smiling on the horizon.


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