What I saw as I watched the two Bowl Championship Series selection shows Sunday night. The “official” show was on Fox, which holds the television broadcast rights to all the games except the Rose Bowl; the unofficial show was on ESPN, which is where college football’s most important games should be. I had the sound up on the ESPN TV in the newsroom, because I can’t stand the asshats on Fox.
7:56 p.m. The Fox show is due to start in a few minutes, but they — Barry Switzer, Jimmy Johnson, Charles Davis and that twerp host dude — are already one-upping their own broadcast by showing us the Rose Bowl matchup: Penn State vs. Southern Cal. God, I’m already annoyed to death with these guys — please, let the ESPN show start soon.
8 p.m. Ahh — There’s Rece Davis. It’s kind of dumb for me to be this excited, because we’re already 99 percent sure of who’s going where, but seeing it on ESPN sort of makes it seem official. Rece has the dreamy Kirk Herbstreit, Big Ten hater Mark May, Lee Corso and Saint Lou (Holtz) on the set.
8:01 p.m. ESPN has to wait on Fox to announce anything — and the Fox show hasn’t started yet — so The Leader is showing highlights of Saturday’s games. Why do coaches still insist on looking surprised by the Gatorade shower?
8:03 p.m. The Big 12 trophy looks like a fishbowl. Complete with a goldfish. Inspiring.
8:05 p.m. Hey, look — Fox is finally ready to begin. Thanks for joining the rest of us, guys.
8:06 p.m. Live shot from Cincinnati’s gym. Fans look excited. Hope someone told them this has nothing to do with basketball. Orange Bowl: UC vs. Virginia Tech. The Cincy fans go nuts. I’d suggest they act like they’ve been there before … but, oh yeah, they haven’t been there before.
8:07 p.m. Just noticed ESPN’s way around having to wait on Fox — they have helmets from all the BCS teams sitting on the front of the set. And yeah, there’s my Buckeyes…
8:08 p.m. Fox interviewing UC’s Brian Kelly. He is so gone after that game. Which will be seen by about two dozen people.
8:09 p.m. Fox is going to commercial. ESPN has announced the Orange and is still dissecting the matchup.
8:11 p.m. ESPN’s still going; Fox is back, but not really — this is a review of the Pontiac Game Changing Performances, which amounts to another commercial.
8:12 p.m. Fox went from the “commercial” back to commercial. At least they’re making money. ESPN’s BCS guy, Brad Edwards:
“Florida is going to play Oklahoma (in the title game) — there’s no question in my mind.”
And he’s almost never wrong.
8:13 p.m. Another ESPN highlight reel. Another Fox commercial.
8:14 p.m. ESPN announces the Rose. And Mark May starts in on crushing the Big Ten. Where’s your alma mater playing, Mark? It’s the Poulan-Insight-Continential Tire Sun Bowl, right? Have fun with that.
8:15 p.m. Fox decided it needed to wedge a couple minutes of selection show in between its blocks of commercials. Surgar Bowl — Utah against … a question mark? No, it’s Alabama. Shocker.
8:16 p.m. Fox: Fiesta Bowl — Ohio State and … more question marks. Texas, maybe? Yep. Whoooooo! I’m going to be grilling Bevo on Jan. 5. On ESPN, Saint Lou is telling us why USC won’t destroy Penn State. Hm.
8:17 p.m. After two minutes on the air, Fox is going back to commercial. Jeebus — Fox’s BCS contract can’t expire soon enough. Jackasses.
8:18 p.m. ESPN is still talking about the Rose Bowl, and Saint Lou just evoked the name of Woody Hayes, for whom Lou was an assistant. MM says USC owns the Pac 10; I think he forgot about Oregon State.
8:19 p.m. ESPN announces the Fiesta. Please don’t let MM get the first comment in here. Nope, Herbie goes first.
8:20 p.m. Actually, MM says the Fiesta will be the best matchup outside the title game. Something sort of nice about Ohio State, Mark? That’s the biggest surprise of the night.
8:21 p.m. Fox is back, announcing the championship game: OU and Florida. A shot of the Oklahoma band in the Barry Switzer Center; a shot of Tim “I’m Not Winning The Heisman This Time” Tebow.
8:22 p.m. ESPN announces title game. Fox is showing Switzer interviewing OU head coach Bob Stoops. Bet that’s some great journalism right there. Barry’s throwing more fat softballs than Norm in a YinzTeam game.
8:25 p.m. My break is over, and I have a story to finish. I suppose I could listen to the Fox guys talk a little bit more between commercials, but I’m irritated enough already. Note to College Football: Once the Fox contract expires after next season, please don’t let them anywhere near my game again. Please.