the wreckage that is FAUCNFFC.

It’s true that I’m in sunny Florida, soaking up sunshine and beer that I’ve never seen before. But such is my dedication to yinz guys that I haven’t forgotten the Fifth Annual Uncle Crappy NCAA Final Four Challenge.
 
 Of course, we’ve already documented the collective crashing and burning of the tournament’s first weekend. And with the exception of a few contestants who we can now safely label as basketball savants, not many of us have been helped by the games of the last few days. Which makes it easier for me, as your trusty FAUCNFFC administrator. Because what we got here, boys and girls, is actually pretty simple: 

If Duke wins: Mr. Burns is our undisputed FAUCNFFC champion, for an astounding third time. He was one of several people who picked Duke to win the whole damn thing — Chachi, AAA, Kim and Kewyson are the others — but he’s the only one in the aforementioned group who also had a West Virginia-Duke semifinal game. 

If West Virginia wins: We have a two-way tie between Matlock, our favorite WVU alum, and Gina’s dog, who probably won’t benefit much from the Bocktown gift certificate unless Gina is willing to share her leftovers. Both have just one point so far; both also will get five more if WVU wins the title game. I’ll take the more formal step of notifying these guys via email, but, Gina and Matlock, if you see this in the meantime — I need a prediction for the final score of the championship game from each of you. The person with the closest score will be our grand champion. 

If someone else wins: Jesus, I have no idea. Also, I’m on vacation, so I don’t feel like figuring it out right now. 

The rest of us? We pretty much suck. OK, that might not be true, but we weren’t helped much by what has been the craziest NCAA tournament I can remember. There are a few of us who can still gain a point or two — but still remain safely out of title contention — depending on what happens Saturday and Monday. And while there are an awful lot of Blutarskys in the group this year, I don’t think it’s something you should take to heart. Out of 5.4 million ESPN bracket entries this year, only four managed to correctly pick 15 of the tournament’s Sweet Sixteen teams. 

So you’re not alone. Or you’re in good company. Or, uh, something like that. 

Here’s yer points so far, with possible remaining points in brackets (duh), in order of appearance: 

Uncle Crappy: 1 [2] 

Mrs. Crappy: 1 [0] 

Chachi: 1 [5] 

AJ: 1 [2] 

Kayla: 1 [2] 

Anthony: 2 [2] 

Doogle: 2 [2] 

Large: 0 

Bobbo: 1 [2] 

Larry: 2 [2] 

Carla: 2 [2] 

Pantster: 1 [0] 

CurlGirl Michelle: 0 

AAA: 1 [5] 

Papuga: 1 [2] 

Jim: 1 [0] 

Shadow: 0 

Ethel: 0 

Gina: 1 [5] 

Grandpa 1 [0] 

Kim: 1 [5] 

Doctor Yohe: 0 

HP: 0 

DD: 0 

Michael: 1 [0] 

Susan: 0 

Matlock: 1 [5] 

Burgh Baby: 1 [0] 

TheJim: 1 [0] 

My Seester: 1 [0] 

Fred: 1 [0] 

My Mom: 1 [2] 

Carolina Boy: 0 

Calipanthergrl: 0 

Mr. Burns: 2 [5] 

Kewyson: 1 [5] 

Juan: 0 

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