A SPECIAL POST FOR THOSE OF US WHO WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER (although the rest of you are welcome to read as well…).

Eighteen to 20 years ago, a language was created by a friend of ours, known on Uncle Crappy as Kewyson. This was a language that was only occasionally witnessed and difficult to recall — mostly because those of us most likely to bear witness years later were in the same state of intoxication Kewyson was in when he began speaking on tongues.

Evidence of this language is extremely rare. Until now.

For those of you who might have missed it, Kewyson and Uncle Crappy traded fishing stories yesterday, based on my post about the upcoming fishing tournament in Pixburke. But at the end of Kewyson’s initial comment, he lapsed into the SECRET KEWYSON LANGUAGE:

Well, no such luck – it was a 12 lbs. markrel – as we trolled by his area he was defengin – who aid, ew always wanted tl gove her away onfriday – but where do owr keep the reet? Thee fish was harpooned on the sid of its boday – That would oule not fo what wee neede.

We ended up not buying a boat afterall-

Rember, yell loud and proud, ‘ Fish On’ )

Wow. “…where do owr keep the reet?”

Kewyson, helpfully, offered a translation a few minutes later, blaming the problem on something that a father of two young children could logically claim: A lack of sleep.

Well, no such luck – it was a 12 lbs. Mackerel – as we trolled by this area he was defending, the hook speared the side of this poor fish just below his fin. When Dr. Koi tried to reel him in, he was being pulled sideways (hence the inaccurate estimates of size). Well, that was the only fish landed that day – and he didn’t even take a hit at the bait!

We still didn’t end up buying the boat – we did, however, take home some mighty nice mackerel, which went for close to $50 a pound that day.

Fish On!

I don’t want to pick on Kewyson — I certainly am eligible for abuse over an occasional lack of coherence — but I read his first post and was overcome by a wave of nostalgia, for the hot tub, for A-Team parties, for Buffett concert preparations, for the actual Buffett concerts … you get the idea.

Thanks, Kewyson, for keeping all of us young.


  1. “I keep ’em laughing so they don’t pick on me’ – Buffett – but I think I was.

    Children are the main source of general exhaustion – it is a fine line that, when crossed, has some very wierd results. The past two weeks have been very busy on the personal front – Kewsyon & Wife have purchased a new house, repaired the old house (wood floors, basement ceiling, basement carpet, paint touch up, garden touch up, clean, purge, clean, purge) – and put the old house on the market – We’re leaving NJ!!! Going back to the right side of the Hudson – up to where Kewyson’s wife grew up – Bronxville NY area.

    As for the posting – maybe I was dictating when the killer rabbit appeared – but the truth is that part of my brain took a siesta – and other parts kept right on going. I think that’s been my language issue all these years.

    Of course, that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

    Life’s too short – have fun!


  2. Started to list my favorite kewyson “translations”, but realized that I have to get some work done today. Though honorable mention does go to the time at Marvin’s that… aw, fuck it. This’d take way too long. By the by, A. EUPHORIA Williams is in town on a whistle stop between Switzerland and Godforsaken Connecticut. I mention this because talking w/ Ann was not unlike talking w/ Kevin after a couple sodas. Think calm lake, flat rock. I question that she maintains an internal dialouge and I find this weirdly endearing. I’m genuinely in awe of the quality / variety of the kids we grew up with.


  3. Who’s Kevin? Let’s protect the innocent.

    Thankfully for all of you, I have no plans to run for public office – I’d have to get rid of every last one of you!


  4. I had all but forgotten about the lost language of the Kewyson.
    Waves of nostalgia is right.

    Best wishes on moving to the “right ” side of the Hudson. Not sure the Garden State is much good for anything but Springsteen and BonJovi concerts. but I digress.

    I thought you were talking about Kevin Spacey



  5. HP – sometimes the right is better than the left- not always – just sometimes – I like to think of myself as a moderate – but you get tired of treading water all of the time.

    As for the move – we’re in the ‘high stress’ condition – that occurs when you have financially obligated yourself to one property and have not yet sold your current property – easily could push one over the edge – kewyson & wife have had more ‘difficult’ conversations over the past week than the prior year – combine that with my propensity of vino – and – you might get some more dictation from Josh (I’ve determined that he can appear from either an over exuberance or a relaxing glass or two combined with utter exhaustion). For those of you who don’t know, I’m not protecting the innocent. Josh has dipolmatic immunity. Just keep a look out for him and let me know if you see him. If we get enough public interest, maybe we’ll focus less on Aruba.


  6. Nice to see y’all can keep this going on your own, while Uncle Crappy is too involved in, um, fishing tournaments and all the associated trappings to contribute…

    And good luck with the move, Mr. Spacey.


  7. Sit-rep on drinks w/ Euphoria and three other female re-ups from the reunion. Many drinks. Many revelations about who thought what about whom in HS. Jesus wept. I laughed until I couldn’t laugh anymore. And then laughed again. Migrated to my apt where the laughter got more intense. I’m warning you, we have more old friends than previously realized in C-town, and they remember every fucking thing. I, on the other hand, can’t remember last Tuesday. Wishing you were here. Specially you, Mr. Spacey, ’cause you would’ve made a perfect counterpoint to Euphoria. Who I’m now CONFIRMING has no inner dialouge and is funnier than a busted crutch. Make that a busted crutch on DMT. Bless us, one and all.


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