I just went through the entries for the Sixth Annual Uncle Crappy NCAA Final Four Challenge (Brought to you by Bocktown).
I am stunned.
I am stunned by not only my own spectacular crash-and-burn performance in my own freaking contest, but by the overwhelming number of people who have joined me.
As you know by now the Final Four is set: Kentucky, UConn, Butler and Virginia Freaking Commonwealth.
Did anyone pick that combo? Hahahahahahaha no.
Did anyone come close? That’s an even funnier question. And here’s the answer: None of the SAUCNFFC contestants had more than one correct Final Four pick, and there weren’t many who managed that.
The following folks have two points:
Goon Squad Sarah, KimLy, Large, The Jim, Derrick, Yay Toast, Tim, Woody, Enophiledude, the Bitchdesk and *gasp* Juan (more about him later).
But of that illustrious group, only a handful — Large, Yay Toast, Tim and Enophiledude — can earn further points. And of that group, Tim and Enophiledude are in the best shape; they both picked UConn to win it all. The others can each pick up another four points at best because while they have UConn in the final game they have another, already-eliminated team winning the title.
Two entries of note: Derrick was the only contestant to correctly place Butler in the Final Four; next year, I’m picking them to make it, even if they’re in Ohio State’s region. And never before in the long and storied history of AUCNFFC has Juan mustered a single point, but this year the penny was good to him; Virginia Commonwealth bumped him out of the bottom-dwellers for the first time.
And as for the rest of us…
Those who have participated in AUCNFFCs past already know of the Blutarsky title, reserved for those whose picks sent them sinking like a rock in the AUCNFFC standings. Their picks were so bad that have bestowed upon them a title that perfectly illustrates the depth of their futility.
Say it with me, Dean Wormer: Zero. Point. Zero.
Lord, it’s a miracle! My teams up and vanish like a fart in the wind! Nothing left but some damn rocks on the windowsill. And that cupcake on the wall! Let’s ask VCU, maybe VCU knows. What say you there, fuzzy-basketball shorts? Feel like talking? Aw, guess not. Why should VCU be any different?
This is a conspiracy, that’s what it is. One… big… damn conspiracy! And everyone’s in on it, including VCU!
My performance wasn’t perfect – but it was loud and it was fast