the cat ate my homework.

Apologies to Anne, who tagged me for this last week. I was serious about that distracted-by-football thing.

Five years ago: I had been working at my current newspaper for about six months, and was thinking that the decision to change jobs was a bad one. It’s gotten better.

Five songs I know all the words to: “U.S. Blues.” “Roses Are Free.” “Sweet Jane.” “Buckeye Battle Cry” (there’s that football thing again). “Hello Dolly” (which I can sing in a Louis Armstrong voice that sounds so close to the real thing it’s scary…). There are many others.

Five snacks I enjoy: Hostess Cupcakes. Doritos. White Castles (five or fewer is a snack; six or more counts as a meal). Apple slices dredged through a tub of that peanut-butter caramel dip. A big bowl of fresh pineapple.

Five things I’d do with $100 million : Be debt free. Ensure that my sister and brother-in-law have enough money that the don’t have to worry about sending my neice and nephews to Florida’s horrible public schools. Give my mother-in-law the opportunity to retire. Do something nice for my parents (but, Jesus, they already have everything…). Buy The Wife and me a nice house in the hills near Athens, Ohio.

Five places I’d run away to: Hanalei, Kauai, Hawaii. Northern Wisconsin. Aspen, Colorado. Any Grateful Dead tour. Athens, Ohio (see above).

Five things I would never wear: Piercings. Mesh tank tops (think Right Said Fred). University of Michigan apparel. Speedo bathing suits. Matching white belts and shoes.

Five favorite television shows (tough, because I don’t get to see much TV while I work so many evenings. So this is kind of an all-time list.) Northern Exposure. Duckman. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Any programming that appears on The Weather Channel. The Simpsons.

Five favorite toys: (current) Our computer (Anne, it totally counts!). My digital camera. My official Wilson NCAA football. My skis. My iPod (which, technically, I don’t actually own yet, although my birthday is coming in just under a month). (30 years ago) Mattel Football. Silly Putty. My Frisbees. That big vibrating football thing with the plastic players that rattled around. Our old Atari game system.

Five greatest joys: The Wife. Our cat. My family. My friends. Music.

Five people I’m tagging: Tough, because I don’t know enough other bloggers well enough to throw this at them … so I’m tagging Juan, HP, DD, Kewyson and B. Discuss.

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me too.

To the guy who found Uncle Crappy after he did a Yahoo search last night for “I want to buy a fucking weather predicting owl” — hey, let me know if you find one. I mean, how cool would that be?

fo shizzle.

I’ve seen other sites like this in the past, but this — Gizoogle.com — is the best hip-hop translator of the bunch. Witness yesterday’s Uncle Crappy entry:

The Wife n I had a bootylicious day of ski’n at Hidden Valley today, in spite of tha fizzy that it was windy, cold n tha resort was mak’n S-N-to-tha-izzow all day, which means occasionally being pelted by shawty ice pellets on tha face while crus’n down tha hizzle , niggaz, better recognize.

We learned:

* The Wife has magic skis.

* Hidden Valley has a bootylicious shawty coffee shop across fizzle tha ski S-H-to-tha-izzop. Not mizzy fo` ambience, but outstand’n coffee.

* Uncle Crappy likes weed-smokin’ fizzy.

Mom n Dad of Uncle Crappy didn’t hizzy siznuch a hot day ski’n yesterday. While heezeeing toward tha tail end of they annual trip ta Boyne Highlands in Michigan, Dad took an odd F-to-tha-izzall n fizzle a shawty pain in his ankle, sum-m sum-m he thought at tha time was a sprain . They call me tha black folks president. But when he gots X-rays today, he found T-H-to-tha-izzat tha leg in question wizzas, in fact, broken cuz this is how we do it.

And whizzat does this mean fo` tha Colorado tizzle two weeks hence? Stay tuned.

Remember boys and girls … Uncle Crappy didn’t say it, Gizoogle did…