to save you some time.

I’m not on Facebook to play games.

I don’t necessarily want to see what you’re doing on your farm, in your Mafia or on your frontier, but I don’t begrudge anyone else’s desire to spend their time that way (and yes — Bejeweled Blitz is an exception, thankyouverymuch). I usually block those things from showing up in my FB feed, but there’s one that’s shown up a couple times recently that I can’t not mention.

I haven’t looked really hard at what My Friend Secrets does — mostly because I’d have to authorize access for the application, and I ain’t doing that — but I’ve received two notifications that friends have answered questions about me. It’s sort of trivial stuff, their hunches about what I think and do, and it’s sort of interesting — although not interesting enough that I’m going take a further look at the application.

I will, however, do this instead — answer the questions here:

Do you think that Uncle Crappy:

…likes British accents? Sure.

…likes blue eyes? Color is less important than depth. Deep, complex eyes — like Mrs. Crappy’s — are unbeatable.

… is part of the Mile-High Club? Nope. I haven’t been that flexible since high school.

…can cook? Have you heard about my crab cakes? i make other good stuff too.

…has ever failed a class? Um. This has a lot to do with my two-year Army enlistment. Ahem.

…is a good driver? No speeding tickets since 1995 (although I talked my way out of one I totally deserved a year ago.) No at-fault accidents for even longer. You do the math.

…has good taste? When my tastes align with what is considered “good taste,” it’s pure coincidence.

…recycles dirty underwear? I try to have three or four weeks’ worth of boxers on hand, just so I can avoid doing this.

…will do anything to get what he wants? There are limits.

…should pass on the chocolate cake? I probably should. But I probably won’t.

…is hot? It’s August and I’m fat, so the answer is probably yes.

…thinks shopping at Walmart is classy? On those rare occasions when I do shop at Walmart, my jaw starts to clench as I pull in the parking lot. Hate it.

…has ever slapped anyone? Since I was a kid? Nope.

…spends more than an hour on Facebook every day? I have FB open for longer than that most days, but the time I spend actually paying attention to is probably less.

…has ever skinny dipped? Oh yes.

…has ever eaten a booger? Since I was a kid? Nope.

…is a jerk? Jesus, I hope not.

…has ever stolen money from friends? No.

…has ever cheated on a test? Define “cheated.”

…was a dork in high school? I sort of floated among several groups in high school, and seemed to be welcome in all of them. And the truth is that I’m probably a bigger dork now.

…has ever lied to avoid a date? Define “lied.”

…is fun to be around? I try.

…is cute? Ask Mrs. Crappy.