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26. blutarsky.

I just went through the entries for the Sixth Annual Uncle Crappy NCAA Final Four Challenge (Brought to you by Bocktown).

I am stunned.

I am stunned by not only my own spectacular crash-and-burn performance in my own freaking contest, but by the overwhelming number of people who have joined me.

As you know by now the Final Four is set: Kentucky, UConn, Butler and Virginia Freaking Commonwealth.

Did anyone pick that combo? Hahahahahahaha no.

Did anyone come close? That’s an even funnier question. And here’s the answer: None of the SAUCNFFC contestants had more than one correct Final Four pick, and there weren’t many who managed that.

The following folks have two points:

Goon Squad Sarah, KimLy, Large, The Jim, Derrick, Yay Toast, Tim, Woody, Enophiledude, the Bitchdesk and *gasp* Juan (more about him later).

But of that illustrious group, only a handful — Large, Yay Toast, Tim and Enophiledude — can earn further points. And of that group, Tim and Enophiledude are in the best shape; they both picked UConn to win it all. The others can each pick up another four points at best because while they have UConn in the final game they have another, already-eliminated team winning the title.

Two entries of note: Derrick was the only contestant to correctly place Butler in the Final Four; next year, I’m picking them to make it, even if they’re in Ohio State’s region. And never before in the long and storied history of AUCNFFC has Juan mustered a single point, but this year the penny was good to him; Virginia Commonwealth bumped him out of the bottom-dwellers for the first time.

And as for the rest of us…

Those who have participated in AUCNFFCs past already know of the Blutarsky title, reserved for those whose picks sent them sinking like a rock in the AUCNFFC standings. Their picks were so bad that have bestowed upon them a title that perfectly illustrates the depth of their futility.

Say it with me, Dean Wormer: Zero. Point. Zero.

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25. ugly.

We’re not quite ready to officially award points in the Sixth Annual Uncle Crappy NCAA Final Four Challenge (Brought to you by Bocktown), but I have a few tidbits to tide yinz guys over until we have the actual Final Four set Sunday evening.

  • Of the 38 SAUCNFFC participants, just 14 of us still have our eventual champion still playing. Ouch.
  • We’ll go through everyone’s point totals on Sunday, but I would point out that 12 of us correctly picked UConn to make it to the Final Four and just one of us thought Butler would return this year. You each get two points for that pick.
  • If Kansas doesn’t make the Final Four on Sunday, a whole bunch of you are screwed.
  • The number of people who could possibly win this is larger than I might have thought; because of the scorched-earth upsets, it’s not inconceivable that someone could win this with just a couple of correct picks.
  • That means some of the people whom I might have written off previously could not only be in line for a few points but could also be contenders.
  • It also means that the tie-breakers — your best guess as to the final score of the championship game — will likely be very important when I’m trying to figure out who won this thing. I STILL NEED TIE-BREAKERS FROM THESE PEOPLE: AAA, KimLy, Fred and my mom. I’m not going to be a huge stickler here guys, but before the Final Four games next weekend, OK?
  • It is customary that I pick on the participants who might not have performed well as we get into the meat of AUCNFFC, and I started to do so last week. As pointed out previously, just about all of those folks could actually eke out a couple points in this thing. You know who will get exactly zero points in SAUCNFFC, because every one of his teams has already been eliminated? Yes. That would be me.
  • Thank you all for playing. If you need me, I’ll be twitching over in the corner over there, patiently waiting for the start of baseball season.

 

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24. screwed.

The headline refers mostly to my prospects in the Sixth Annual Uncle Crappy NCAA Final Four Challenge (Brought to you by Bocktown); last night’s loss to Kentucky by my Buckeyes — along with the loss by San Diego State on Thursday — means the only way I’m going to be enjoying a Bocktown gift card anytime soon is if I go buy one my own damn self.

I am not alone in my bracket-related frustration, though. An informal count this morning reveals that something like 20 of us have lost our pick for the championship. Carnage, doom, disaster, etc.

But as is typically the case when this kind of thing happens, the wreckage can open some doors for people who might have thought they were out of the running before. Kansas picks are looking particularly good right now, and I think we have a handful of people who still have their championship games intact.

We start awarding points with today’s games, as team reach the Final Four; I’ll try to do a post outlining our progress tonight and I’ll definitely have one ready after the Sunday games.

Good luck, y’all. If the tournament thus far has demonstrated anything, it’s that you’re going to need it.

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22. brewing.

This stuff...
...goes in here.
Extract.
Right after I added these, I had my one boil-over of the whole process. I got it cleaned up before Mrs. Crappy got home, though, so it doesn't count.
Cooling down.
See you in a week.
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21. reminder.

Let’s start there. Next year, when I start writing about college basketball, I need someone to remind me that I am not to pick Pitt to win a single game in the NCAA tournament ever. Ever. I don’t care if they’re playing the Washington Generals. Never, ever again.

I can take some solace in the fact that the vast majority of participants in the Sixth Annual Uncle Crappy NCAA Final Four Challenge (Brought to you by Bocktown) also had Pitt involved in their picks in one form or another, so most of us are kind of in the same boat as far as that goes.

We’re still a week away from the point where we start earning SAUCNFFC points for our picks, but as per our custom, let’s take a look and get a sense of how everyone’s doing. And clearly, some of us are doing better than the others.

In great shape (all picks still playing):

  • Mrs. Crappy
  • Andy
  • Doogle
  • Curl Girl Michelle
  • Yay Toast
  • Tim
  • Kewyson
  • Woody’s World

In slightly-less-but-still-great shape (lost one team but still has title game and champ playing):

  • Jaci
  • KimLy
  • Carla
  • Senor Jaime
  • Fred
  • The Jim
  • Ethel
  • My Mom
  • Calipanthergrl
  • Kim Z.
  • Enophiledude
  • Bitchdesk
  • Bloody but unbowed (lost two teams but still has title game and champ)
  • Large
  • Gina

Bloody, slightly bowed (lost one of their title game participants, still has champ playing):

  • Kelly
  • CrappyDad
  • Shadow
  • Mr. Burns

Reeling (lost two, one of which is a championship game participant):

  • Uncle Crappy
  • Adrienne
  • AAA
  • Grandpa
  • HP
  • Kim
  • Burgh Baby

Standing eight count (lost three, still has champion):

  • Casey

And that leaves us with the, uh, Special Group. These unfortunate folks have had varying degrees of success, but will be limited because they’ve lost their championship pick. I’m not saying they can’t win, but I am saying they pretty much can’t win.

  • Sarah: Lost two plus her champion. Will you come and drink in Pittsburgh anyway?
  • Susan: Lost two plus her champion. Picking Penn State wouldn’t have done her much good either.
  • Matlock: Lost three plus his entire championship game. Boldly picked an all-Mon Valley final; I hope he’ll jump on the Ohio State bandwagon from this point forward.

And then there’s Juan, undoubtedly the most special of the special group. The penny I used to make Juan’s picks looks like a genius for tabbing Virginia Commonwealth to do well; the rest of its picks, though — Northern Colorado, St. John’s and Xavier — all flamed out early.

Did I miss you? Did I screw something up? Lemme know and we’ll get it fixed right away.